Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Letter 信

今天收到了lily 的email。
My Dear Dear Prince,

I'm so sorry for not coming online. I know you've been waiting online for me to come on. I'm just so tired, so tired of everything. So tired of coming online and having people asking me how am I doing, so tired of seeing emails. I know everyone one of you meant well, and are really concern about me. But I'm just so tired of replying and saying the same thing over and over again. I'm ok, I'm ok, don't worry. So tired of seeing people taking pity in me, so tired of crying, so tired of crying myself to sleep, so tired of thinking, so tired of being tired

I shun my friends, I shun my colleagues. I don't know who else he has been sleeping with. I don't want to double guess everyone. I don't want the fear of half expecting someone to just say "Actually I slept with him too."

I quit my jobs. I've quit my Customs work, and quit as a teacher. I cannot face seeing these people with red and swollen eyes everyday. I hating waking up in the morning and having to go out and put on a pretentious mask again. I want to tell people I am not ok, I am depress, I am upset, but I can't. I don't want anyone to take pity in me. I don't want help. I just want to be alone.

Every day I stay in bed. I stayed at home. I do nothing but cry, sleep, and stare. I don't want to, but I don't want to do anything else too. The pain is just too much. Who can I trust now? Who can I turn to? There is only you, but you are so far away, I don't want to think about it. I do not know if the day will come when I will meet you, to bury myself in your arms; to cry; to sigh. I don't know, so I will not think about it anymore. But do know you will always have a special place in my heart, my dear dear prince halfway round the world. You are for keeps.

I will be leaving this place for a while. I want to leave the phone behind, the laptop behind. I will try to leave all the memories behind, good or bad. I want to breath for a while, to totally totally lost myself and not be connect in any way to anyone anywhere. I want to go somewhere to rest and try to find myself again. I am writing to you to let you know I will always love you. No matter where I am, I will always remember you. The time we spent chatting the night and day away, the songs, the picture, the music, and the very short but sweet phone calls. Zen's "I remember you" will always remind me of you, because it is the first song you dedicate to me. "Try to remember", Beyond's "喜欢你" will always be your songs to me. I would love to hear you sing them, but I will not think about it now.

I'm going to 100 Miles House for a while. I do not know for how long, but I will let you know when I come back. Love you always. ttyl. mmmmmmmmmmmuah.
100 Miles House 在哪里?! google 了一下下。原来是在canada 的一个地方,好像是个quite nice的地方。可以ski, 可以golf, 有山有水有雪有rodeo有dog sledding,好像是个很relaxing 的place。我也好想去.........

No comments:


sorry, this is not deathnote, but you still need to start reading from the first post, if not catch no balls